Preparing for My Exhibition: A Personal Challenge

Taking measurements for the coming exhibition

Exhibiting my paintings is, without a doubt, the most difficult part of my journey as an artist.

One of the more unpredictable and challenging aspects of living with bipolar disorder is how it can strike without warning. I live with Bipolar II disorder, which is described as involving cycles of depressive and hypomanic episodes — without the full manic episodes seen in Bipolar I. That said, the depressive phases in Bipolar II can be longer-lasting and more intense, which makes everyday life — let alone preparing for an art show — a daunting task.

Planning an exhibition six months in advance requires a leap of faith. I never know what my mental state will be when the date arrives, and the closer it gets, the more the stress begins to take its toll. Since February, my mood swings have intensified, driven by the pressure of the upcoming event. Public appearances are particularly hard. The idea of being surrounded by people — no matter how kind or supportive — often fills me with anxiety. It’s a real obstacle in my life as an artist.

This illness brings a heavy mix of fear and self-doubt. I worry I won’t be able to face those who come to see my work. I worry that I’ll fall into a depressive episode just as the final preparations need to be made, unable to paint or function while time keeps ticking away. Thankfully, the encouragement I receive from friends on Facebook and Instagram has been a lifeline during some of my darker moments.

There are also the side effects of the medications I take daily — antidepressants and mood stabilizers — which come with their own challenges. One of the biggest is the need for daily rest: I usually have to sleep for at least one to two hours in the afternoon. It may seem like lost time, but that rest is essential for me to function — not just physically, but mentally, too. It’s like rebooting an overheated computer, giving my mind a much-needed reset. Another ongoing issue is the tremors caused by the medication, something I’ve written about before.

My exhibition opens on April 25th, 2025, and I truly hope I’ll be able to show up as the best version of myself. This journey isn’t easy, but it’s one I’m committed to continuing — with honesty, vulnerability, and hope.